Today has been hard. Bad days turn good, but good days turn bad. So even though I had the strength to get up and although I was not hungry, I forced myself to eat. I had the food I liked. I tried to exercise today and ended up doing way too much. Nothing was working. I was not connecting. The emptiness was starting and I could feel myself fading. I was at a loss for what to do. I tried to move and I managed to focus for brief periods, then it would go again to a nothingness.
I came home this evening and something remarkable happened. Good days turn bad, but they can turn good again. I came home unsure of what to do with myself having tried a few things to try to feel better. Then, like a sign, I saw the tour dates for Rupi Kaur. I frantically looked through trying to find tickets until finally a city that was not sold out and there I was, sitting, paying, completely unaware of what I was doing or what was coming. It was all so sudden. I had been so disconnected. Then it hit me. I realised that in two weeks, I will get to see my inspirational figure in the flesh.
It hit me hard. It hit me like I have something to live for. Like I am so insanely excited. Like this is something that is of extreme importance to me. She has been a source of strength, with her every word. So I just have two weeks. Two weeks of excitement and anticipation. Two weeks of one day at a time and we will get there. Two weeks is easy. I can do that. Miracles really do happening. I have no idea how I managed it, but I paid and I stare now at the tickets in amazement, thinking just two weeks.