Fortunate

I am fortunate. I am fortunate because my illness does not define me. I am fortunate because sometimes others see it before I see it myself. I am fortunate because there is so much that I can do. So I do not focus on that which I cannot do.  I focus on the good all around me. I focus on those who support me, those who love me. I hear about people who struggle with loneliness. That is not me. I hear about those who get no visitors for mental illness, but I have not moved. People come to me. People always come and check up on me. People know that I am not ok and that ultimately makes me ok.

Mental illness sometimes means losing your self-awareness. This is something I have worked so hard for. I have always felt I know myself. Anxiety makes me doubt myself. Depression makes me not feel myself. Dissociation makes me not want to be myself. I hate losing my self-awareness. I like to know my triggers and act upon them. It is scary when you do not detect them. When life gets in the way. When everything becomes difficult. That is what your support system is there for. I am extremely fortunate with mine.

I have friends who come and see me and how I am doing at my lowest points. I have a sister who stays on the phone talking and reassuring until I fall asleep. I have friends who make me laugh when I want to cry. My support is invaluable to me. I have several places to turn to and go. That makes me fortunate. That is partially why I write. I want everyone to know that I am here to support them. We may be strangers, but we are all in this together.

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