Warning

Something is wrong.

Let this be a warning,

Right here, right now,

That something is not

Right. I cannot read.

I cannot write. I try

To fall asleep but

Nothing happens

So I try to cry, but the

Tears, they just will

Not come. I try so hard.

I try everything. I am

Not hungry or thirsty.

I am not working.

I have just stopped,

Again. Stopped to look

Out and see a world that

I am not in. That I am

Not a part of. So I try

To grasp it, but it is out

Of reach; too far down,

Too far out, too shut off.

I pace and I cannot do

Or think of anything.

It feels like this body is

Not mine. These limbs:

Not mine. These fingers

Shaking. Everything,

Uneasy. Here I am,

Grasping for breath.

Let that be a warning.

Something is wrong.

Why can I not delight?

I cannot find pleasure.

I am not here, I am just

Empty. I sit in the shower,

I play one song, the words

Going over and over to the

Steady beat on which I try

To steady my breaths. I try

To keep warm but it is too

Much for my body: Survival

Is the only key. I am trying.

I do not always win, I do not

Always work. This life is no

Guarantee. I cannot always

Do what I want to do and I

Know that it has not but it

Feels as though my heart has

Stopped beating. I am failing.

I am falling apart, crumbling.

Splitting open at every seam,

But with no one to even see.

Let that be a warning.

Disaster has struck and it

Is taking me with it. I will be

Taken away, with nothing to

Leave behind. No imprint,

No profound impacts, just

Slip quietly away, out of life.

Let that be a warning.

 

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