Birthday

This world is suffocating me.

The days tick by too quickly.

I am ageing, not gracefully.

I am deteriorating into what

I only imagined this would

Feel like. Losing my mind.

I have dreams. Simple dreams.

I do not think it gets much

Worse than your mind eating

Up all the dreams you once had.

I dream of love, hope, happy.

I dream about the perfect day.

I would sit outside all day,

Sit and watch the sky as it

Changes from sunrise to sunset.

It would be simple. Not too many

People, no drinking, no celebration

Of anything besides life.

I would tattoo the stars on my back

To mark that I had made it to 21.

Who would have thought?

Songs will play, the kind of songs

That make you think nothing,

But only that you have to dance to

And I would dance the day away

On my own happiness with no

Additional substances.

I would refuse to straighten these

Curls or cover these scars,

Because they are what makes me

And for the first time I want to

Be nothing but freely me.

I will not dress up or pose for

Photographs, so do not ask me to.

I will sit blissfully as I would like,

Comfortable and happy with me.

There will be no presents, just lots

And lots of food like Christmas.

Fruit, snacks, cake and more

And I will eat because I love food.

I will run around in circles,

Not running away from anything,

But because I cannot contain the

Energy within me and I will scream

And be as loud as I wish.

I will laugh until the tears come

And yell until the tears come

And sit in silence and awe watching

The sky until the tears come,

Because tears, they are not sadness,

They are an overwhelming amount

Of anything: joy, love, hope, happiness.

So I will stay outside, avoiding

The beautiful mess I have left inside

And I will write and draw and read

To everyone around so that they know

That they are here because they are

Special and loved. Here because I

Want them to be. These people

Made me and for that I love them.

I am eternally grateful.

That is all my perfect day needs

To be. Honest. Simple. Happy.

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