I was that little girl mercilessly bullied at school and battered at home. Now, I am in an abusive relationship with myself. That is why I am so emotionally unavailable. My scars keep getting scratched. I discover more and more everyday. I am a bleeding wound. I never know what to do with myself. Everything reminds me of something. I feel sick with all the thoughts. My mind is plagued with destructive thoughts. Every day is a battle of me against me. How I think and feel is conflicted. It is always a mess of right and wrong. There is a lot that I do not understand. So I have to fight every day to continue. I have to work hard and strive to defeat the thoughts. There are ways of doing this and I have a lot of it set. I write. I take myself for walks. I exercise. I eat well and often. I try to sleep a decent amount. I am taking better care of myself now than ever before. Sometimes I mess up. I hurt myself. I cause the damage. There is still a lot of work to be done, but I can achieve it. I can end this toxicity. I am getting so much better at it. I rely less and less on others and more on myself everyday and I realise that I can get through it. All of it. I will never stop working on me.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s