I think that fault and blame can be traced to some extent. I think that if different people were faced with the same situation, they would act differently and that is ok. We all come from diverse experiences. However, if you are unhappy with your actions, why not learn from them. Society teaches us what is right and wrong. As we get older, we know acceptable behaviour. I was a child once who threw massive tantrums. I had rage and anger issues. This was a product of my environment, but I had to learn that this was not ok. The world teaches us that after all. We move. We do not sit home in the negative environment all day. It took me a long time to see wrong and see the harm in my home. Now that I know the truth, I am doing something with it. I choose to make something pure out of it. I put my built up anger and energy towards the positive.

How someone can tell me they feel sorry for a criminal, I cannot understand. There, I lack empathy. Maybe it is because I am or was a victim. A victim of many crimes. I would not want you to feel sorry for the victim. Sorry is the last thing a victim needs. A rape victim does not choose what happens to them. They feel so much blame and shame afterwards. The last thing they need is people to feel sorry. Sorry cannot undo what happened. It cannot undo the pain. It can accelerate the feelings that come after. The feelings of not belonging and a lack of acceptance. People need to continue to treat you like a human being. It takes a long time to get over something like that. There are years of crying and nothingness. It feels like all your abilities have  been taken away. They will come back, so slowly. This is why I believe in choices.

I believe in the day you become brave. The day you pick yourself up, off the floor. The day the tears stop. The day you let someone in. The day you realise you are not a victim and no one should ever see you as that. You are a survivor. You can make so much and do so much out of your life. It was not your fault. None of it is your fault. It is not their fault. They may have had a whole past which led them to these events. You had a whole past that led you there too. There is no need to feel sorry for them or yourself. Things happen that are out of our control.

I sometimes blame my mother for me and my issues. However, I also blame her for all my strength, goodness, bravery and power. All of which, I have a lot of. She is responsible for the lessons she did and did not teach. Many are responsible for all my insecurities and pain. I do not choose to do nothing about them. I make a choice. I do see them as a cause of some of the problems, however I also accept that there is a cause to them also. I think fault and blame can be traced; that there is some logic to it. I think we can and do make choices, even if they are small ones. I choose to make goodness out of this life and whatever is handed to me, I will take it. I will not be consumed with placing blame. I will not reject it, either. Ultimately, we are human. We all do the same. The day I die, I get to leave and forget it all. It will not matter and I know that.

After everything I have been through, if I can still keep making honey, why not a criminal?


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