Yesterday, I got told that I was the strong, independent woman. Not just in the phrase, but in the actions. In everything that has happened my entire life. I have always been strong. I know that I will always be. I was made this way. it is not a feminist whim for me, it is a way of living. I grew up around women. I have always been surrounded and drawn my influence from women. From family at home to boarding school to now. There is a connection and a bond that you do not get from just any type of person.
I wonder why people say this or describe me as this. I have done nothing remarkable. I am not a huge activist for women’s rights, although I try. I am not someone who rejects male attention. I date. I have self-respect. These are all fairly self-contained, though. I do not feel as though I am doing my part for the world, at least not yet.
I had my own battles to fight. Growing up, I lost my dad. Women are not always easy to deal with. I am fairly sure that y mother is mentally ill. Bipolar or something. I, as a child, fought to get out of the environment of toxicity and hate. I learnt from a woman who always needed a man to define her worth, to never do the same. I got out. I went to several good schools. The mean girls always bullied me. My mother never listened to my tears. My sister has never been a very good friend or role model. I have no idea who told or taught me to be how I am. All my surroundings, I guess. Somehow, I just knew to rise above.
I used to listen intently to all the lyrics of Taylor Swift songs. I learnt value and worth. Some people are just mean. You cannot change them, but you can change yourself. You can make your own decisions. I decide to move forward, take no notice. Fight my own battles and demons. Someone telling you that you are too fat or ugly, as though they are the worst things you could ever be. Well look at me. I am fitter than we could have all imagined and my skin cleared up. People tell me I am beautiful, even though I fail to take notice of it. All I really want is my opinions heard. This brain took years to form and it has a lot of information ready.
I have been let down a lot. I have been hurt a lot. I have done extreme things. However, I do not crumble for nothing. I saw the way my mother, my sister, my friends were crushed my men and I decided that would not be me. That would never be me. I have already been destroyed my too many men and I am still going. So rejection or arguments or break ups, they mean nothing to me. I have already got my inner values, my strength. These girls, they picked up on it so quickly. Not many do. I have an incredible story, I know that. I joke that someday I will write a book.
Not everyone that knows me hears my story. That is crazy to me. All you have to do is ask. There is so much beauty in how I got here. If I could withstand the pain, then why not you? Look at me, I am here. I am resilient. It is definitely no tragedy. I am happy to be who I am. Maybe I am the strong, independent woman. I am sure you will see me someday expressing my passion for female or human rights. It is the path I am on. After all, those who grow up with nothing, can have anything.