“Inside of you is a lake.
Throw your shame into the water and drown it
because you do not have to be ashamed;
you are not broken.”
Two years ago, I used this poem as a way of telling someone what had happened to me. I still absolutely love this poem, but now I use my own words. I am so strong, I have grown.
It is pretty ridiculous was time can do. The way that we can heal. I read it now and do not think anything can explain my thoughts and feelings better. Nothing has changed. The events still occurred. I still have to work to keep my head up every day and remain strong. The words still make me cry. They make me cry because they have somehow gained more truth with the years. I always thought I was broken. I was ashamed. A disgrace. Now I know better. He may have wrecked me, but I gained defence. I gained strength. I am a different person now. I always will be. I miss the innocence sometimes, but when I hear that for some people it is years before they learn the harsh realities I am shocked. It only took me a few years and I knew. This world. This cruel and beautiful world. It was going to take as much as it gives me. That is life for you. It hurts like hell. Maybe I would not be so psychologically damaged and mentally ill. At least I am these things and aware of it. At least I am fighting back every day. At least I am armed to protect myself and know who to let in. Suddenly, it has found a new meaning. I do not walk around thinking these things define me, but I do hear the words: all the quotes and poems that give me strength.