Many people ask me why I am sad, why is it that I cry so often, why is it that I struggle so much to smile, why it always looks as though I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. You only see what I let you, but even I am not that good of an actress. Sometimes the mask fails. I cannot always keep it up. I am scared sometimes that if I genuinely look into someone’s eyes and smile, I will cry. It has happened before. Emotions can be all consuming.
Really, I think it is a stupid question. Why do you ask me that and not ask me about my happiness? About my passion and excitements? Ask me what makes me tick? If you really feel as though my sadness is all consuming and a diversion from the norm, then ask about my happiness too. Especially if it is not the normal state that you see me in. I will tell you gladly. I will tell you my loves and wants.
I want to take the time to reflect on every day. I want to ensure that I never go to sleep with negativity. There is good in every day and I will see it. I will cry, because I am entitled too. I will smile when I want to. It is all for me to know the reasons. If you are kind, truly kind you will not look from an outside perspective and tell me to stop. I do what I do. I am finding balance. Use your heart to enquire, as I will do. Tell me something that I can learn from. What makes you happy? What made your day?