I know now why I filter people out so quickly and easily, because if I don’t and they impact me negatively, the damage is long lasting, if not permanent.
I wonder if I should be less cold, if I seem heartless. I place an important on putting myself first, not in a selfish way necessary. I have a short list of those I would quite literally go to the ends of the earth for. With most people, I know this from a very early stage. I will learn my feelings towards you and your place in my life quickly.
However, I have learnt that people will surprise you. Sometimes, I let someone go and they come back. Sometimes, forever really means forever. Sometimes, people were not who you thought they were and you need to just let go. I am becoming better at this, the letting go. So believe me, if I hold onto you or I still make time for you, it is because you mean more to me than you will ever know.
If it seems too harsh, or as though I am not giving you a good enough chance, then know that it is because I will always put my mental health first. If you are not happy with how I have acted or chosen to evaluate you, then by all means, prove me wrong. I welcome those who make an effort, because in the long run, having me in your life I will show you what it means to put in effort and do for others.
I am a handful, I know. Most empaths are. Do not mistake them for depressed or negative people. They reflect off your energy. It is exhausting for me, so it is why I choose wisely. When I know, I know exactly what and who it is that I want and need and I will never let them go or leave them not knowing their importance.