I cannot slow my mind down quite enough at the moment. There used to be things that I would love to do. Now, I turn on a television or try to do what I used to do with friends and without being able to explain, I do not want to do it. Maybe I have been away for too long. I am still me and I know that, but I was living in an entirely different way, in a new place for a long period of time.
I want to sit on my own. I would rather read a book. I want to learn. I want to write again, after a long time of not being able to. I cannot focus on that which I do not want to do.
This can be difficult for people around you, as they adjust to changes. If I see my friends, I ask them to sit and have a deep discussion or to go for a walk with me. It is a lot to ask, but I do so much for the people closest to me. They should know by now who I am and who I am evolving into.
I am trying to become better, every single day. All that means is that I am going to be vulnerably honest. I will not make apologies for who I am, but I will give thanks where it is due. This is a valuable lesson that I learnt a little while ago; ‘Don’t say sorry, if you want to say thank you’. I think until you really adopt it, you do not understand the incredible results.
I am extremely soft at my centre, I will always accept an apology even if I am not really fine with it. I know that others do this with and I know those who cannot accept it. Sometimes the hurt is too great or the words just are not enough. However, I know who I am so all I have to say is thank you to everyone who continually puts up with me, understands me, spends time with me, appreciates me and believes in me. It is not wrong to simply exist and more people need to realise that, so take the time to make others aware of what they have already done and how good it makes you feel.
Gratefulness is important.