Looking for Alaska

This book is remarkable. It taught me so much. It made me feel normal. So I had to write about it.

I truly hope that I can be forgiven for what I have done. I feel like Alaska when she was paralysed with fear. I feel so much guilt for walking away from my own flesh and blood, but I also feel like Stitch because I found my way to the ones I love. I do not want to collapse into the enigma of myself. I too still believe in a Great Perhaps. I do not want to forget but I will because things fall away but I do not want them to fall apart. I think that some things will always remain. YOU FORGIVE, YOU FORGET, BUT YOU NEVER LET IT GO. I do not think that it is truly possible to lose people, even when you think that you have. We are indeed greater than the sum of our parts. I think that it is our purpose in the world to be more. We are our experiences and our relationships, past, present and future, whether they are forgotten or everlasting. That is what makes us who we are and each and everyone one of us is special to those around us and that most certainly cannot be destroyed. I have hope now, it is a new hope from before. I understand that things can get better and I will not fold into myself and self-destruct. Not this time. I am stronger now. I am a survivor. I am an invincible teenager and I will smile. I am always breaking, but I am never irreparably broken and so I have hope. I am scared of losing and I am scared of failing, but I am not hopeless because I believe in FORGIVENESS.

‘Thomas Edison’s last words were “It’s very beautiful over there”. I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.’

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