I find it incredibly easy to have a deep conversation with a stranger. When you feel so unattached from a person, that their thoughts and words are just someone with another perspective. There is no need to argue or be hurt by them. You can just sit, take it all in and listen. Very rarely, I find that this can blossom into several interesting conversations. However, most of the time, the more that you talk and the longer you know someone, the harder it becomes to always be honest. Especially if your views are opposing, you want to avoid conflict with a friend or partner.

I brought up the idea of unknowing. Once something has happened or been said, it cannot be undone. You cannot get rid of knowledge. This is the argument that many people debate, “Knowledge is power, ignorance is bliss”. What I have learnt, I do not wish to have undone. However, I am aware of my lack of bliss and particularly when you have feelings for someone, you do not wish this on them. You would rather choose not to tell them in the first place. When I asked someone about unknowing they were confused. ‘Why would you ever chose to get rid of knowledge?’

Many people cannot deal with finding out that someone close to them has been sexually abused or assaulted. For a partner, it is just too hard when you find out the truth. You will inevitably act differently. It is not what someone needs. It does not need to be ignored, but it does not need to be treated so heavily either. If you genuinely wish someone had not told you, then you can understand wishing to undo knowledge. Just take a moment though to think about that person. For you it was just a sentence, but the person living through it cannot undo anything. If you cannot understand wanting to get rid of that, then I do not know what you do understand.

That is why I find it hard to continue to have amazing conversations with the people close to me or that I love. You do not wish to hurt them. It can be easier with a stranger. Hardest of all is the stranger you welcome into your life and before they have even entered it completely, you realise that they may not be able to handle you. Just as you are beginning to open up to this person, you begin to hold yourself back and become unnecessarily fearful. You lose the deep conversations you used to have and ultimately you lose the person.


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